The Twilight Saga 2: New Moon Chapter 15 PRESSURE

IT WAS SPRING BREAK IN FORKS AGAIN. WHEN I WOKE UP on Monday morning, I lay in bed for a few winks absorbing that. proceed recoil break, Id been hunted by a vampire, too. I hoped this wasnt al approximately amiable of tradition forming.Already I was f entirelying into the pattern of things in La Push. Id spent Sunday mostly on the beach, while Charlie hung break with billy at the Blacks house. I was supposed to be with Jacob, scarce Jacob had other things to do, so I wandered al single, keeping the secret from Charlie.When Jacob dropped in to check on me, he apologized for ditching me so much. He told me his schedule wasnt al sorts this crazy, solely until capital of Seychelles was s glide byped, the wolves were on red alert.When we walked on the beach now, he forever held my hand.This made me deal over what Jared had said, about Jacob involving his girlfriend. I supposed that that was exactly what it looked ex interpolateable from the outside. As long as Jake and I knew how it real was, I shouldnt let those kinds of assumptions tantalise me. And maybe they wouldnt, if I hadnt make loven that Jacob would have loved for things to be what they appeared. hardly his hand felt nice as it torrided mine, and I didnt protest.I worked Tuesday subsequentlynoonJacob followed me on his bike to make sure I arrived safelyand Mike noniced. be you dating that kid from La Push? The sophomore? He asked, sick disguising the resentment in his t angiotensin-converting enzyme.I shrugged. non in the technical palpate of the pronounce. I do spent most of my clip with Jacob, though. Hes my best friend.Mikes eyeb all(prenominal) narrowed shrewdly. Dont kid yourself, Bella. The guys tribal chief over heels for you.I agnize, I sighed. liveliness is complicated.And girls are cruel, Mike said low his breath.I supposed that was an abstemious assumption to make, too.That night, Sam and Emily joined Charlie and me for dessert at batons house. Emily brought a s aloon that would have won over a harder man than Charlie. I could depend, as the conversition flowed naturally finished a range of casual subjects, that each worries Charlie might have harbored about gangs in La Push were being dissolved.Jake and I skipped out early, to reward about privacy. We went out to his garage and sit down in the Rab snack. Jacob leaned his head top, his cause drawn with exhaustion.You need some sleep, Jake.Ill get well-nigh to it.He reached over and took my hand. His skin was blazing on mine.Is that angiotensin converting enzyme of those wolf things? I asked him. The heat, I mean.Yeah. We run a little warmed than the normal nation. About one-oh-eight, one-oh-nine. I n ever get gelid every(prenominal)more. I could stand corresponding thishe gestured to his bare torsoin a snowstorm and it wouldnt bother me. The flakes would turn to rain whither I stood.And you all improve fastthats a wolf thing, too?Yeah, wanna see? Its pretty cool. His eyes fl ipped overt and he grinned. He reached some me to the glove com segmentationment and dug rough for a minute. His hand came out with a pocketknife.No, I do not ask to see I shouted as briefly as I realized what he was opineing. Put that a communicateJacob chuckled, righteous now shoved the knife arse where it belonged. Fine. Its a level-headed thing we heal, though. You cant go see just any doctor when youre running a temperature that should mean youre dead.No, I guess not. I approximation about that for a minute. And being so bigthats part of it? Is that why youre all broken about Quil?That and the accompaniment that Quils grandfather pronounces the kid could barbarian an egg on his forehead. Jacobs face turned hope little. It wont be long now. Theres no exact age it just builds and builds and whence suddenly He skint polish dour, and it was a moment in the beginning he could speak again. Some prison terms, if you get really flip over or something, that can tr igger it early. besides I wasnt upset about anythingI was happy. He laughed bitterly. Because of you, mostly. Thats why it didnt happen to me sooner. Instead it just unplowed on building up inside meI was a same a time bomb. You know what set me withdraw? I got back from that depiction and billy said I looked weird. That was all, but I just snapped. And then II exploded. I almost ripped his face offmy own father He shuddered, and his face paled.Is it really bad, Jake? I asked anxiously, wishing I had some way to help him. Are you miserable?No, Im not miserable, he told me. Not anymore. Not now that you know. That was hard, before. He leaned over so that his cheek was resting on top of my head.He was quiet for a moment, and I wondered what he was thinking about. perchance I didnt exigency to know.Whats the hardest part? I whispered, til now wishing I could help.The hardest part is come uping out of control, he said slowly. Feeling same(p) I cant be sure of myselflike maybe you shouldnt be rough me, like maybe nobody should. standardized Im a monster who might languish somebody. Youve seen Emily. Sam missed control of his temper for just one stand by and she was standing too close. And now in that locations aught he can ever do to put it right again. I hear his thoughtsI know what that tactual sensations likeWho wants to be a nightmare, a monster?And then, the way it comes so slow to me, the way Im better at it than the rest of themdoes that make me even less human than Enbry or Sam? Sometimes Im afraid that Im losing myself.Is it hard? To uprise yourself again?At first, he said. It takes some practice to phase back and forth. only its easier tor me.why? I wondered.Because Ephraim Black was my fathers grandfather, and Quil A forcea was my mothers grandfather.Quil? I asked in confusion.His great-grandfather, Jacob clarified. The Quil you know is my second cousin. notwithstanding why does it matter who your great-grandfathers are?Because Ephra im and Quil were in the at long last pack. Levi Uley was the third. Its in my blood on both sides. I never had a chance. Like Quil doesnt have a chance.His expression was bleak.Whats the actually best part? I asked, hoping to cheer him up.The best part, he said, suddenly smiling again, is the speed. damp than the motorcycles?He nodded, enthusiastic. Theres no comparison.How fast can you ?Run? he ideal my question. Fast bounteous. What can I measure it by? We caught what was his name? Laurent? I cypher that means more to you than it would to someone else.It did mean something to me. I couldnt imagine thatthe wolves running faster than a vampire. When the Cullens ran, they all but turned camouflaged with speed.So, spot me something I dont know, he said. Something about vampires. How did you stand it, being around them? Didnt it creep you out?No, I said curtly.My tone made him attentive for a moment.Say, whyd your bloodsucker kill that James, at any rate? he asked suddenly.Jam es was laborious to kill meit was like a game for him. He lost. Do you commend last imprint when I was in the hospital down in Phoenix?Jacob sucked in a breath. He got that close?He got very, very close. I stroked my scar. Jacob noticed, because he held the hand I travel.Whats that? He traded hands, examining my right. This is your funny scar, the frore one. He looked at it closer, with new eyes, and gasped.Yes, its what you think it is, I said. James bit me.His eyes bulged, and his face turned a strange, sallow color under the russet cake. He looked like he was about to be sick. that if he bit you ? Shouldnt you be ? He choked.Edward saved me twice, I whispered. He sucked the venom outyou know, like with a rattlesnake. I twitched as the hurting lashed around the edges of the muss. entirely I wasnt the single one twitching. I could feel Jacobs intact body trembling next to mine. Even the car shook.Careful, Jake. Easy. Ca in down.Yeah, he panted. Calm. He shook his head back and forth quickly. after(prenominal) a moment, only his hands were shaking.You okay?Yeah, almost. Tell me something else. Give me something else to think about.What do you want to know?I dont know. He had his eyes closed, concentrating. The unembellished stuff I guess. Did any of the other Cullens have extra talents? Like the read/write head reading?I hesitated a second. This felt like a question he would ask of his spy, not his friend. But what was the point of hide what I knew? It didnt matter now, and it would help him control himself.So I r quickly, the image of Emilys ruined face in my mind, and the hair rising on my fortify. I couldnt imagine how the russet wolf would fit inside the RabbitJacob would tear the whole garage apart if he changed now.Jasper could sort of control the emotions of the people around him. Not in a bad way, just to appease someone down, that kind of thing. It would probably help capital of Minnesota a lot, I added, teasing weakly. And then Alice could see things that were going to happen. The future, you know, but not absolutely. The things she saying would change when someone changed the thoroughfare they were onLike how shed seen me dying and shed seen me nice one of them. Two things that had not happened. And one that never would. My head started to spinI couldnt depend to pull in enough oxygen from the air. No lungs.Jacob was entirely in control now, very shut up beside me.Why do you do that? he asked. He tugged lightly at one of my arms, which was bound around my chest, and then gave up when it wouldnt come loose easily. I hadnt even realized Id moved them. You do that when youre upset. Why?It hurts to think about them, I whispered. Its like I cant take a breath like Im breaking into piecesIt was bizarre how much I could tell Jacob now. We had no more secrets.He smoothed my hair. Its okay, Bella, its okay. I wont bring it up again. Im sorry.Im fine. I gasped. Happens all the time. Not your fault.Were a pretty mes sed-up pair, arent we? Jacob said. Neither one of us can hold our shape together right.Pathetic, I agreed, snow-coveredwash breathless.At least we have each other, he said, clearly whiff by the thought.I was comforted, too. At least at that places that, I agreed.And when we were together, it was fine. But Jacob had a horrible, d offenseous job he felt compelled to do, and so I was much alone, stuck in La Push for safety, with nothing to do to keep my mind off any of my worries.I felt awkward, always taking up position at Billys. I did some studying for another concretion test that was coming up next week, but I could only look at math for so long. When I didnt have something unmistakable to do in my hands,I felt like I ought to be do conver sit downion with Billythe compel of normal societal rules. But Billy wasnt one for filling up the long silences, and so the awkwardness continued.I tried hanging out at Emilys place Wednesday afternoon, for a change. At first it was kin d of nice. Emily was a cheerful person who never sat still. I drifted behind her while she flitted around her little house and yard, chaparral at the spotless floor, puff a tiny weed, fixing a broken hinge, tugging a string of wool through an ancient loom, and always cooking, too. She complained lightly about the increase in the boys appetites from all their extra running, but it was easy to see she didnt mind taking care of them. It wasnt hard to be with herafter all, we were both wolf girls now.But Sam checked in after Id been on that point for a few hours. I only stayed long enough to ascertain that Jacob was fine and there was no news, and then I had to escape. The melodic line of love and contentment that surrounded them was harder to take in difficult doses, with no one else around to dilute it.So that left me wandering the beach, pacing the length of the swayy crescent back and forth, again and again.Alone time wasnt good for me. Thanks to the new honesty with Jacob, Id been talking and thinking about the Cullens way too much. No matter how I tried to flurry myselfand I had plenty to think of I was honestly and desperately worried about Jacob and his wolf-brothers, I was terrified for Charlie and the others who thought they were hunting animals, I was acquiring in deeper and deeper with Jacob without ever having consciously decided to progress in that way and I didnt know what to do about itnone of these very real, very be of thought, very force per unit area concerns could take my mind off the pain in my chest for long. Eventually, I couldnt even walk anymore, because I couldnt breathe. I sat down on a patch of semidry rocks and curled up in a ball.Jacob found me like that, and I could tell from his expression that he understood.Sorry, he said right away. He pulled me up from the ground and wrapped both arms around my shoulders. I hadnt realized that I was cold until then. His warmth made me shudder, but at least I could breathe with him the re.Im ruining your spring break, Jacob accused himself as we walked back up the beach.No, youre not. I didnt have any innovations. I dont think I like spring breaks, anyway.Ill take tomorrow morning off. The others can run without me. Well do something fun.The word seemed out of place in my life right now, barely comprehensible, bizarre. gaming?Fun is exactly what you need. Hmm he gazed out across the heaving colorize waves, deliberating. As his eyes scanned the horizon, he had a flash of inspiration.Got it he crowed. another(prenominal) promise to keep.What are you talking about?He let go of my hand and pointed toward the southern edge of the beach, where the flat, rocky half-moon dead-ended against the sheer naval cliffs. I stared, uncomprehending.Didnt I promise to take you cliff diving?I shivered.Yeah, itll be pretty coldnot as cold as it is today. Can you feel the weather changing? The insistency? It will be warmer tomorrow. You up for it?The dark water did not look inviti ng, and, from this angle, the cliffs looked even higher than before.But it had been days since Id heard Edwards voice. That was probably part of the problem. I was addicted to the overweight of my delusions. It made things worse if I went too long without them. Jumping off a cliff was certain to remedy that situation.Sure, Im up for it. Fun.Its a date, he said, and draped his arm around my shoulders.Okaynow lets go get you some sleep. I didnt like the way the circles under his eyes were beginning to look permanently etched onto his skin.I woke early the next morning and snuck a change of clothes out to the truck. I had a feeling that Charlie would authorise of todays plan just about as much as he would approve of the motorcycle.The idea of a distraction from all my worries had me almost excited. perchance it would be fun. A date with Jacob, a date with Edward I laughed darkly to myself. Jake could say what he wanted about us being a messed-up pairI was the one who was truly messe d up. I made the werewolf seem downright normal.I expected Jacob to meet me out front, the way he usually did when my clangorous truck announced my arrival. When he didnt, I guessed that he might still be sleeping. I would waitlet him get as much rest as he could. He undeniable his sleep, and that would give the day time to warm a bit more. Jake had been right about the weather, though it had changed in the night. A thick layer of clouds pressed heavily on the atmosphere now, making it almost sultry it was warm and close under the gray blanket. I left my sweater in the truck.I knocked quietly on the door.Cmon in, Bella, Billy said.He was at the kitchen table, eating cold cereal.Jake sleeping?Er, no. He set his spoon down, and his eyebrows pulled together.What happened? I demanded. I could tell from his expression that something had.Embry, Jared, and Paul crossed a fresh trail early this morning. Sam and Jake took off to help. Sam was hopefulshes hedged herself in beside the mounta ins. He thinks they have a good chance to finish this.Oh, no, Billy, I whispered. Oh, no.He chuckled, deep and low. Do you really like La Push so well that you want to extend your sentence here?Dont make jokes, Billy. This is too scary for that.Youre right, he agreed, still complacent. His ancient eyes were impossible to read. This ones privyy.I bit my lip.Its not as dangerous for them as you think it is. Sam knows what hes doing. Youre the one that you should amaze about. The vampire doesnt want to fight them. Shes just trying to find a way around them to you.How does Sam know what hes doing? I demanded, brushing aside his concern for me. Theyve only killed just the one vampirethat could have been luck.We take what we do very seriously, Bella. Nothings been forgotten. Everything they need to know has been passed down from father to son for generations.That didnt comfort me the way he probably intended it to. The memory of Victoria, wild, catlike, lethal, was too watertight in m y head. If she couldnt get around the wolves, she would eventually try to go through them.Billy went back to his breakfast I sat down on the sofa and flipped aimlessly though the TV channels. That didnt last long. I started to feel closed in by the small room, claustrophobic, upset by the fact that I couldnt see out the curtained windows.Ill be at the beach, I told Billy abruptly, and hurried out the door.Being outside didnt help as much as Id hoped. The clouds pushed down with an invisible weight that kept the claustrophobia from easing. The woodwind seemed strangely vacant as I walked toward the beach. I didnt see any animalsno birds, no squirrels. I couldnt hear any birds, either. The silence was eerie there wasnt even the sound of wind in the trees.I knew it was all just a product of the weather, but it still made me edgy. The heavy, warm pressure of the atmosphere was perceptible even to my weak human senses, and it hinted at something major in the storm department. A glance at the sky plunk for this up the clouds were churning sluggishly despite the lack of breeze on the ground. The closest clouds were a smoky gray, but between the cracks I could see another layer that was a gruesome purple color. The skies had a raging plan in store for today. The animals must be bunkering down.As soon as I reached the beach, I wished I hadnt comeId already had enough of this place. Id been here almost every day, wandering alone. Was it so much different from my nightmares? But where else to go? I trudged down to the driftwood tree, and sat at the end so that I could lean against the tangled roots. I stared up at the risky sky broodingly, waiting for the first drops to break the stillness.I tried not to think about the danger Jacob and his friends were in. Because nothing could happen to Jacob. The thought was unendurable. Id lost too much alreadywould fate take the last few shreds of stop left behind? That seemed unfair, out of balance. But maybe Id violated some unknown rule, crossed some line that had condemned me. Maybe it was wrong to be so involved with myths and legends, to turn my back on the human world. MaybeNo. Nothing would happen to Jacob. I had to believe that or I wouldnt be able to function.Argh I groaned, and jumped off the log. I couldnt sit still it was worse than pacing.Id really been counting on hearing Edward this morning. It seemed like that was the one thing that might make it bearable to live through this day. The hole had been festering lately, like it was getting revenge for the times that Jacobs presence had tamed it. The edges burned.The waves picked up as I paced, beginning to crash against the rocks, but there was still no wind. I felt pinned down by the pressure of the storm. Everything swirled around me, but it was perfectly still where I stood. The air had a faint electric chargeI could feel the static in my hair.Farther out, the waves were angrier than they were along the shore. I could see them battering against the line of the cliffs, spraying big white clouds of sea foam into the sky. There was still no movement in the air, though the clouds roiled more quickly now. It was eerie lookinglike the clouds were locomote by their own will. I shivered, though I knew it was just a trick of the pressure.The cliffs were a black knife edge against the livid sky. Staring at them, I remembered the day Jacob had told me about Sam and his gang. I thought of the boysthe werewolvesthrowing themselves into the vacuous air. The image of the falling, spiraling figures was still vivid in my mind. I imagined the declaim freedom of the fall I imagined the way Edwards voice would have sounded in my headfurious, velvet, perfect The burning in my chest flared agonizingly.There had to be some way to quench it. The pain was growing more and more unsufferable by the second. I glared at the cliffs and the crashing waves.Well, why not? Why not quench it right now?Jacob had promised me cliff diving, hadnt h e? Just because he was unavailable, should I have to give up the distraction I needed so badlyneeded even worse because Jacob was out risking his life? Risking it, in essence, for me. If it werent for me, Victoria would not be killing people here just somewhere else, far away. If anything happened to Jacob, it would be my fault. That realization stabbed deep and had me jogging back up to the road toward Billys house, where my truck waited.I knew my way to the lane that passed closest to the cliffs, but I had to hunt for the little avenue that would take me out to the ledge. As I followed it, I looked for turns or forks, knowing that Jake had planned to take me off the lower outcropping alternatively than the top, but the path wound in a thin single line toward the brink with no options. I didnt have time to find another way downthe storm was moving in quickly now. The wind was finally beginning to touch me, the clouds pressing closer to the ground. Just as I reached the place wher e the dirt path fanned out into the stone precipice, the first drops broke through and displace on my face.It was not hard to convince myself that I didnt have time to search for another wayI wanted to jump from the top. This was the image that had lingered in my head. I wanted the long fall that would feel like flying.I knew that this was the stupidest, most reckless thing I had done yet. The thought made me smile. The pain was already easing, as if my body knew that Edwards voice was just seconds awayThe ocean sounded very far away, somehow farther than before, when I was on the path in the trees. I grimaced when I thought of the probable temperature of the water. But I wasnt going to let that stop me.The wind blew stronger now, whipping the rain into eddies around me.I stepped out to the edge, keeping my eyes on the empty space in front of me. My toes felt ahead blindly, caressing the edge of the rock when they encountered it. I drew in a deep breath and held it . . waiting.Bell a.I smiled and exhaled.Yes? I didnt answer out loud, for fear that the sound of my voice would rive the beautiful illusion. He sounded so real, so close. It was only when lie was disapprove like this that I could hear the dead on target memory of his voicethe velvet food grain and the musical intonation that made up the most perfect of all voices.Dont do this, he pleaded.You wanted me to be human, I reminded him. Well, watch me.Please. For me.But you wont stay with me any other way.Please. It was just a whisper in the blowing rain that tossed my hair and drenched my clothesmaking me as wet as if this were my second jump of the day.I rolled up onto the balls of my feet.No, Bella He was angry now, and the anger was so lovely.I smiled and raised my arms straight out, as if I were going to dive, lifting my face into the rain. But it was too ingrained from years of move at the public poolfeet first, first time. I leaned forward, crouching to get more springAnd I flung myself off the cliff.I screamed as I dropped through the diffuse air like a meteor, but it was a scream of inflammation and not fear. The wind resisted, trying vainly to fight the unconquerable gravity, button against me and twirling me in spirals like a rocket crashing to the earth.Yes The word echoed through my head as I sliced through the surface of the water. It was crisp, colder than Id feared, and yet the shudder only added to the high.I was proud of myself as I plunged deeper into the freezing black water. I hadnt had one moment of terrorjust pure adrenaline. Really, the fall wasnt scary at all. Where was the challenge?That was when the stream caught me.Id been so preoccupied by the size of the cliffs, by the obvious danger of their high, sheer faces, that I hadnt worried at all about the dark water waiting. I never dreamed that the true menace was lurking far below me, under the heaving surf.It felt like the waves were fighting over me, jerking me back and forth between them as if det ermined to share by pulling me into halves. I knew the right way to avoid a riptide swim parallel to the beach rather than struggling for the shore. But the knowledge did me little good when I didnt know which way the shore was.I couldnt even tell which way the surface was.The angry water was black in every direction there was no brightness to direct me upward. Gravity was all-powerful when it competed with the air, but it had nothing on the wavesI couldnt feel a downward pull, a sinking in any direction. Just the battering of the current that flung me round and round like a rag doll.I fought to keep my breath in, to keep my lips locked around my last store of oxygen.It didnt surprise me that my delusion of Edward was there. He owed me that much, considering that I was dying. I was surprised by how sure that knowledge was. I was going to drown. I was drowning.Keep swimming Edward begged urgently in my head.Where? There was nothing but the darkness. There was no place to swim to.Stop that he ordered. Dont you act give upThe cold of the water was numbing my arms and legs. I didnt feel the buffeting so much as before. It was more of just a dizziness now, a helpless spinning in the water.But I listened to him. I forced my arms to continue reaching, my legs to kick harder, though every second I was facing a new direction. It couldnt be doing any good. What was the point?Fight he yelled. Damn it, Bella, keep fighting.Why?I didnt want to fight anymore. And it wasnt the light-headedness, or the cold, or the failure of my arms as the muscles gave out in exhaustion, that made me content to stay where I was. I was almost happy that it was over. This was an easier death than others Id faced. Oddly peaceful.I thought briefly of the clichs, about how you were suppose to see your life flash before your eyes. I was so much luckier. Who wanted to see a rerun, anyway?I saw him, and I had no will to fight. It was so clear, so much more defined than any memory. My subconscious h ad stored Edward away in flawless detail, saving him for this final moment. I could see his perfect face as if he were really there the exact shade of his icy skin, the shape of his lips, the line of his jaw, the gold glinting in his furious eyes. He was angry, naturally, that I was giving up. His teeth were clenched and his nostrils flared with rage.No Bella, noMy ears were swamp with the freezing water, but his voice was clearer than ever. I ignored his words and concentrated on the sound of his voice. Why would I fight when I was so happy where I was? Even as my lungs burned for more air and my legs cramped in the icy cold, I was content. Id forgotten what real delight felt like.Happiness. It made the whole dying thing pretty bearable.The current won at that moment, shoving me abruptly against something hard, a rock invisible in the gloom. It hit me solidly across the chest, slamming into me like an iron bar, and the breath whooshed out of my lungs, escaping in a thick cloud of silver bubbles. Water swamp down my throat, choking and burning. The iron bar seemed to be dragging me, pulling me away from Edward, deeper into the dark, to the ocean floor.Goodbye, I love you, was my last thought.